Day 122 7-22

It's my Junie Bug's 2nd birthday today. We let her sleep with us tonight. I didn't prioritize well today so as we lay here getting ready to sleep, I read Psalm 148 aloud. It was sweet to read aloud my Bible to her, not just out of a condensed kid's Bible.

Day 121 7-21

May my words, thoughts, and actions reflect your heart today Lord. 
I have to attend to a kiddo.

Day 120 7-20

Still parked today in the concepts of man and woman's early assigned roles...

Men want to make their conquest in the field of life, as hunters, workers, adventurers, providers, etc. After having a boy, I kind of was set on not allowing him to have toy guns, pretend shoot things, watch any kids shows with that stuff, but after watching my little boy grow, I have had to let that all go because I truly from the bottom of my soul believe conquest is an inborn trait in him. We did not have guns in the house, but that didn't stop Sam. He would use anything, his hands, markers, etc. to use as a gun and even would make the right sound as he shot em. It is truly amazing to watch really. I even asked other trusted Christian parents with boys about this, and they see the same thing and their advice is to embrace this God given need for conquest, cultivate it an set boundaries for it as well. I was reading a similar story in Love and Respect about a mom who was a lot like me about guns in the beginning and then her boy picked up his grilled cheese sandwich and shot her and she gave up from then on. It made me laugh:)

Also today, I'm focusing on Gen 30:30 which talks about man's inborn desire to work. Do I truly honor and respect this about my husband? Do I take it for granted how hard he works for me to have the freedom to stay at home and raise our kids? I need to thank him today and let him know how much I admire and support him.

Day 119 7-19

Lord, allow me to engage the Holy Spirit inside me that you gave me. May I respond appropriately to You. May I allow the Holy Spirit to fill in the gaps of my weak traits (words, patience, joyful expression on my face, etc.) May I specifically have a gentle spirit today which glorifies You!

I wanted to spend some time today going into more depth over the verses and concepts I read last night about what it means to be a "helper" to Mark. It's sad that this is considered such an old school, almost stupid concept to our society, especially among "I am woman hear me roar" folk. 

So I read Gen 2:18 over and over. I'm having a hard time getting my thoughts down on paper the way I want. I don't think God did want Adam to be alone, obviously because that's what He said. It's not even that He didn't want that, He took it a step further, it wasn't good. He knew He would be better with a woman. What a compliment to us as women. These early concepts in Genesis are so painfully misunderstood among a lot of women today and taken so negative, but there were not intended to be, in my opinion. The more I read it, the more empowered I am as a woman, and wife. You see, the woman was made FOR the man as a "suitable" "helper".  In 1 Cor 11:8-9, the Bible talks about how women came from man. We are literally a part of him, created for man. I never really (sadly) fully grasped this concept before and it is so beautiful. That's why I think man has such an inborn desire to protect us, because we are a part of him.

Day 118 7-18

I am embarrassed to say that I am just getting to my quiet time today even after reminding my LG girls in an email this morning to not forget to spend time with You today and focusing last night on obeying His commands. Great example that each day is a new day. I took a nap with Sam, intending to get up before him and have my QT, but I slept the whole time. Then I painted the kitchen for 4 hours straight tonight after getting an unexpected night without kiddos. Anyway, this is going to be the case today, but not tomorrow. Going to read Love and Respect and see what sticks out...

I love this concept of a man's need for Conquest and understanding how important this inborn desire to work and achieve and go on adventures is to him. It was in fact man's first career assignment given to him from the Father Himself. Gen 30:30 cultivate Eden. 

My eyes were also opened to a new fresh look at the first commands for me as a wife as well. 

Gen 2:18: I Cor 11:19

I am to be my husband's helper or "helpmeet".  Meaning in Hebrew "a help answering to him, or one who answers" This is showing a new light to me even though I have read this and heard it before.

Day 117 7-17

Simple straight forward message to me today during my quiet time...

John 14:5-27

What stuck out the most to me...  
¹⁵ “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments."

I also love the cycle in vs. 21-23.  God keeps His promises.

Prayers:

- Jill's friend's anniversary of baby's death - comfort, strength . John 14:27 will be my prayer for her today

- future talk with mom

Day 116 7-16

My prayers and focus today during my quiet time are all focused toward reconciliation with my mom, we got in a little argument today. I pray for humility, ability to apologize quickly, Your words, understanding, sensitivity, and to put on love and compassion. It's super hard to focus on much else during this time. That's prob why God in the Bible said to go settle things first with your brother and then come to Me.

Day 115 7-15

What I have on my heart and mind today is the whole concept of God giving me the words to use, especially in sharing about Him. I guess what I was thinking about really is do I have faith in Him who is putting me in these situations/relationships/opportunities to speak about You? Why don't I grab a hold of the opportunities? I guess I'm afraid, as has happened multiple times that they will see me as a sinner, a judger, etc. when I want them to see You in me and fall in love with You. Why is it so hard to talk about You and what You are in my life to other people? especially family and close friends. It's silly really. I pray for God to give me His words when these opportunities arise, but how do I do that? 

It just obviously got answered for me. LISTEN to Him and His promptings. He lives within me as my helper. Be bold. It's almost I guess in a way as insult to God when I pass up those opportunities or don't trust Him enough to speak lovingly about Him. May I better recognize Your presence Lord and be in tune to these opportunities and speak the truth in love because someone did it for me and we are commanded to, bottom line. What do I fear? wrong timing, insensitivity, wrong way of putting it, come across as judgmental. Jesus is THE ONLY way to eternity in heaven and I better get more confidence in talking about that with others.

John 14:6

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me."

Day 114 7-14

The sun is shining through the window on me this morning as I sit at my kitchen table. I can feel His warmth. The house is still. Sam spent the night at my mom's and GJ and Mark are still asleep cuddled in our bed. I couldn't sleep anymore. I felt a stir from You to wake up so here I am Lord. I recognize your presence this morning. Thanks for another chance at a day to honor You with my words, actions, and thoughts. Have mercy on me when I stumble today. I pray for a kind and gentle spirit today with all, especially my husband and kiddos. May I carry out Your will today, not mine and acknowledge that the old has died and I am a new creation with You living inside of me today. May I carry out your love today Lord.

Spent my quiet time reading Love and Respect, specifically learning about a man and wife's Energizing Cycle, "His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love!" I am going to frame this I think and put it in our bedroom.

I should show Mark respect regardless of his response (Prov 31:25, 1 Pet 3:1-2, Eph 5:33). 

A man's 1st fundamental impulse is to serve, especially in response to being honored. May I see what God sees as I live life with my husband. Most husbands are not consciously, willfully, and habitually trying to be unloving on purpose (Matt 26:41, Ecc 7:20). Remember to be aware of my facial expressions and tone of voice.

 

1 Cor 7:33-34

Day 113 7-13

I decided to do a blind pick of a passage to read today and it was a great refresher. I don't recommend doing that often because I think it is important to understand the contexts, concepts and themes of each book of the Bible as a whole and the general Bible as a whole as well. However, sometimes, when I feel a bit lost, scatter brained or wanting to stray a bit from my routine I'm in, I'll do a random Bible search and see where it leads me. 

I stopped in 1 Pet 1:13-25... 

So after reading the Word of God, I try to always ask myself, what did I learn about God from this? How did I get to know him better or understand him more. Most importantly, focusing on the fact that it's not about me, it's about Him.

I learned that God...

-shows grace

-is Holy

-calls me to be holy in all I do because He is

-judges each man's work impartially

-wants me to fear Him

-chose Jesus before the creation of the world and had this planned

-wants me to believe in Him through Jesus Christ

-raised Jesus from the dead and glorified Him

-is where my faith and hope lye

-allows us to be born again through the Word of God

-'s Word stands forever!

Prayers:

-Linds dad peace in surgery situation

-praise for great dinner with sister-in-laws

Day 112 7-12

To try something different and shake up my quiet time, I decided to spend it with my brother, watching him preach a sermon in Nebraska on my computer. Besides my husband, he's the only one I have invited to my quiet time:) Thought it would be a cool experience. 

His topic is on "Managing Life's Moments" focusing on Ephesians 5:15-18

Answering the question: How Can We Make the Most of Our Limited Time Here On Earth??

I decided to follow along and write down what stuck out to me and follow along with the 4 main ideas in the sermon notes provided...

1. Be Alert!

-be aware, purposeful, see accurately how walk around, look for opportunities, Don't be so busy

2. Be Wise

-know the want to of the Master (to be saved, to be sanctified) being Christ-like, do not be unthinking, our greatest need is to see the truths of God

3. Seize Opportunities by the Horns

- left to ourselves and our natural ways we will go down a path of destruction, God can reverse our natural tendencies that lead to spiritual death, we don't know how many moments we have left so make the most of them the way Jesus would

4. Be Filled with the Spirit

-God gives us unexplainable strength, peace and comfort, What am I under the influence of?

"God is a gentleman. He is not going to come in on His own where He is not wanted. 

Let Him in!" -BV

I was blown away at my brother preaching and super proud to be his sister. I believe he truly has a gift and it's so awesome to see him on fire and passionate for bringing the Word to the people. I loved the camera man trying to keep up with him going back and forth on the stage:) I was a mess full of tears as I really related to the sermon as he talked about our growing up and also about losing our dad. My dad is certainly smiling watching him and the man he has become.

Check Brian's sermon out online. Go to northridgesabetha.com then click on "Go to Services", choose "June 12th the 11am service Managing Life's Moments" . It is the entire service so you have to wait for it to download and then scroll ahead to when he preaches.

Day 111 7-11

I felt a tug on my heart to dig deeper into the sermon material presented on Sunday at my church. The main idea from the sermon was on evangelism, specifically to go and be "fishers of men" as Jesus commands fishermen Simon Peter and Andrew in Matthew 4:19. I got to really thinking about this and what this comparison means, and how it might have resonated with these guys and with me as well.

So I started brainstorming for myself some characteristics of fishermen...

-patient

-instinct

-very choosy with their bait

-persistent, not giving up

-may cast close by or far away

-careful not to harm anyone with their hooks

-may cast to same spot several times

-genuinely enjoy what they are doing

-filled with excitement, adrenaline rush at the slightest tug on the line

-listeners

-calm

-respect the environment and are aware of surroundings

-learned how from someone else most likely

-focused

There is so much parallelism between Christians as evangelists and fishermen.

Lord, may I too be an effective, loving, respectful, fisher of men!

Specific Prayers:

-contact an old friend

-guidance/wisdom with life group marriage study

-be a doer, not just a hearer

-apologize sooner

Day 110 7-10

Continued in reading Love and Respect today. On to chapter 7.

Some things I wrote down...

Forgiveness sets you free. Simple statement but so true. Apologize and forgive quickly.

I should not feel I have a right to treat him (my husband) badly or judge him. I know this is a duh statement, but sometimes, if I'm not careful, I can play that game of insult for insult.

Appropriately ended my QT reading this several times...Matt 7:1-3, focusing on v.3...

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

 Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

 

Day 109 7-9

Decided to spend my quiet time reading the book Love and Respect and continue reflecting on the theme verse of the book Ephesians 5:33.

This being kind and nice to my husband thing works:) I need to remember it more often:) Thanks for the affirmation Lord. You are my anchor and I rely on You to help me.

Had some take away points from the chapter...

"We are not called to change everything or everyone. We are only called to be obedient, and God will handle it from there." This was so eye opening and quite frankly freeing for me. 

Loved this example of how I can talk respectfully to my husband about my feelings ...

"I'm not saying I am right for feeling this way, nor am I saying you caused me to feel this way. I am only saying that I feel this way." 

Also, this hit me in the face pretty hard..."Sometimes I needed to grow up and not personalize things"

This is such a silly weakness of mine. I just need to lighten up and remember that my husband is not meaning to hurt me with his words and I shouldn't take things so stinkin seriously and show him some grace because I sure would like him to treat me that way.

Loved this too. I think I have heard it before at a wedding, but it made more sense and made more of an impact this time... "Love is not a feeling, it's a choice, a commitment" Amen to that. And it's not like the movies. It's super hard work.

Ended with spending some time in the Word reading Matthew 5:38-46.

Day 108 7-8

I got the opportunity to have my quiet time again in the sauna at the gym today. This time I took my Bible. I really feel close to God in here as it is so quiet and the elements are extreme and really allow me to dig deep into my soul. Just sat for a while in raw prayer and confession. I'm digging James right now and felt led to keep reading there. 

Here's what I read... James 1:19-25

^"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. 

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror  and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do."

 I love this whole passage. For the conviction, for the practical application, for the bluntness. Although I have read this a bunch of times, it struck a different cord inside me, tugged at a different heart string. Just do it! Inspired me to be a doer, not just a hearer and to knock off my selfishness and take the blinders off!!

Day 107 7-7

Read Love and Respect today and had some awesome gut-checking advice/application hit me hard about what to do if I am feeling unloved or starting to get on the defense in my conversation with Mark...

STAY CALM. PRAY FOR WISDOM. RELAX. ADJUST MY SUNGLASSES TO BLUE. LISTEN!!

It's so simple and so practical and so powerful. My eyes were just opened to this concept even though I know I have heard it before. It just took on a new meaning and new form. I need this tattooed on my forearm or on my eyeball :) I love it. 

I decided to read James 3: 9-12 today. May my words praise the Lord and not curse men. Why? They (including my husband) are made in God's likeness. How dare me treat them with unkind words, disrespect, or hurtful actions.

My specific prayers today...

- Linds dad 

- Linds mom to choose You today to follow Lord

- friend who is lost in her ways and jeopardizing the well being of family

- April's cousin Emily to feel Your arms wrapped around her today as she copes with cancer

- general prayers/wisdom/protection etc. for Northridge Church Sabetha and Falls City

- guidance/diligence/wisdom in potty training Gracie June

Day 106 7-6

Spent the first part of my quiet time with the Lord today with prayers of gratitude, prayers for Linds dad to have a speedy recovery and for healing to go well, prayers for me to stay the course of God's will and to hang on tight to the rope He holds out to me, and prayers for me to be aware of everything around me and to respond appropriately to the Holy Spirit within me. 

Did a quick "freedom" concordance word study... Came across Galatians 5:1,13

5:1  "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be 

         burdened again by a yoke of slavery"  

5:13 "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to 

           indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love"

I have been given the freedom to serve God and everyone in love!!

Day 105 7-5

Read my Bible late in bed tonight. Obviously didn't prioritize my time wisely today. No good. 
I didn't write anything down so I can't record what I read even :(

Day 104 7-4

Independence Day. 

Felt like reading 2 Timothy 2 during my focused time recognizing Jesus' presence today.

 These ignited my soul and put me on fire for the Lord today!

"the word of God is not imprisoned" v.10

 "if we died with Him, we will also live with Him" v.11

 Thanks God!

Day 103 7-3

In the car on the way home from Sabetha, I read some of Chapter 4 in Love and Respect. I focused most of my time in the Appendix A applications thinking about how I can apply these to my life. Mainly before I speak to Mark, asking myself, "am what I am about to say going to come across as disrespectful to him?"

The rest of my quiet time I spent praying for my brother and the pastor role he is in. He has an awesome light up there in front of the congregation and I am really proud of him for answering the call.

Day 102 7-2

Couldn't sleep anymore this morning, which is not like me at all so I decided to get up and get a cup of coffee and head outside to spend time with the Lord on my brother and sister in law's front porch. They have awesome rocking chairs out here and it is a beautiful morning. A great race day. I decided to stay in Hebrews 13 and just read it. 

I parked on vs. 20-21 for awhile..."Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." 

May this be my prayer today.

v. 15 caught my attention as well... "Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name."

We can't do this alone. We need Him.

Day 101 7-1

I spent my Quiet Time today focusing on preparing my mind for the 5k in Sabetha tomorrow morning.

I looked in the concordance for scripture on running or race and came across a few that really stuck out to me.

1 Cor 9:22-27

Thoughts that came to mind after reading this... Train, be disciplined, pray, know God's Word to get the crown that lasts forever. Similar to competing in a race.

 

Heb 12:1-3

Fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. This is what matters! Run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Who is us?

Day 100 6-30

Day 100. Wow that's crazy to look at. It snuck up on me. I am so glad I have been disciplined and stuck with it and I look forward to spending time reflecting on this journey.

Anyhoo, I continued my quiet time today intrigued by the book Love and Respect, which is based on the scripture Ephesians 5:33 "each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

The author brings up 1 Pet 3:7 " Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

This is so beautifully written (duh because it's our almighty Creator in heaven.) Specifically, the part highlighted really resonated with me because it illustrates how I want to be treated, cherished as a princess and to be the 1st in importance to my husband. The author rephrases it in his own words by saying that husbands should show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. This nailed it for me. I yearn to be honored, valued, and prized as a precious equal.

I thought it was also cool that the book pointed out that something in a man longs for his wife to look up to him as he fulfills this role. I never really processed this before now, the importance of this. 

Two more things stuck out me as I read... When he (the husband) feels she is being a bossy queen, he cannot detect her real heart. This is so true. Also, when she feels he is trying to be more equal or greater, she cannot detect his real heart. This is something I struggle with, thinking he is trying to be better than me. I don't know why because I know deep down that is not the case. This is just who he is. He is just so stinking good at most everything he does and sometimes I view this through the wrong lens. We both have strong leadership backgrounds and could be labeled as "chief" personalities at times so it's inevitable we are going to butt heads, but it has to be done in a way that honors God. Like the author has stated before, we should appreciate and celebrate the uniqueness in differences with which God has wired us.


 

Day 99 6-29

Had two quiet times today and the first one produced one major application/take away point from reading Love and Respect...

I can give my husband unconditional respect in TONE and EXPRESSION while confronting what I perceive to be unloving behavior and without endorsing his unloving reactions. 

My second quiet time tonight was really cool, not that they all aren't, but this one was at a different level. I got the opportunity, thanks to my loving husband, to go up to the gym tonight and relax in the hot tub and sauna. I read my book in the hot tub and read over and over the statement that said "respect does something to the soul of the a man. God made him that way." I thought this was really deep and I took it to heart. Also, men should never have to earn our unconditional respect. 

So I sat down my book and headed to the sauna where I wanted to end my Quiet Time in prayer with my Lord. I experienced something awesome that I will never forget.  As I sat in the sauna and prayed, I began to sweat (as you do in a sauna) but it was as if I was literally purging out the sinful nature of my self with each drop of sweat and I began confessing that sin out loud to God. I felt like I was being purified as I continued to pray and thank God for giving me the opportunity to be in His presence and become a new creation in Him and for literally saving my life through the death and resurrection of His Son. It was an amazing closeness I felt and I was so renewed and refreshed and most importantly made aware of my position compared to God as I left. I was given a new sense of confidence and joy and a recognition of what my attitude should be like every day.

Day 98 6-28

Continued reading Love and Respect during my quiet time and jotted down the statements that impacted me...

- if a husband IS commanded to "agape" love his wife, then she truly NEEDS love, same for respect for husband. 

- I like the air hose and buck v. doe illustration. Woman are precious does and men are strong bucks. Sometimes we have to tell our significant others to get off our air hose and let us breathe and get the oxygen we need.

- This is a lot of times true for me...If I don't really stop to think, I realize I started the whole thing with my criticism of my husband, which so easily could have been avoided. 

- Women have learned to fight with words. We are masters of the art, sometimes not in a good way:)

- Our problem a lot of the time is that we truly have good will toward each other, we just struggle to know how to express it.

Day 97 6-27

For my quiet time today I am reading and focusing on the book Love and Respect by Eggerichs to help me understand my husband better and how to be the wife God intended me to be. 

Had a few points that really struck a cord with me, aha moments if you will...

- "Often, we focus on our own needs and simply overlook the needs of the other person. The wife needs love; she is not trying to be disrespectful. the husband needs respect; he is not trying to be unloving"

It's so easy to get caught in this without realizing it. We both have good intention and love each deeply and would never want to intentionally hurt one another.

- Also, there was a statement about why there is no command for the wife to "agape love" her husband? I thought it was eye opening when the author recognizes that God didn't need to command that here (Eph 5:33) because it's in her human nature to love already. He created us women to do that in the first place - to be more sensitive, nurturing, compassionate, etc. 

- I also thought it was clever the way the author talked about men and women seeing and hearing the world through different colored lenses and hearing aids, men blue and women pink and that we have to try and put ourselves in their shoes when communicating with them. We are made different and have to stop fighting it and embrace it.