Day 53 5-14

Today was a tough one. While I was in Wichita this weekend, I decided to spend my quiet time on Saturday in the room with my sweet granny at her assisted living facility. She's battling life and doesn't know us anymore and quite frankly, not really here in this world anymore. Her dementia is severe and she'll never have her mind back and we'll never have her back to the way she was. She was asleep in her chair all hunched over when I came in. The room was peaceful, warm, and still, which was nice. She was dressed cute in khakis and a purple and pink collared shirt. She didn't have her teeth in which is always hard to see because she looks so different, but she keeps taking them out and there's no point in her wearing them I guess. I stroked her hair and rotated holding each hand and I just sat on her bed and cried for awhile. 

Then I got it together and went to go get the Bible they keep in the common area. I wanted her to hear the Word of God today. I gently woke her up and told her who I was and she gave me a smile and a giggle, like she was a little girl. I told her I was going to pray with her and read her the Bible- some Psalms, the Lord's Prayer and Philippians. I prayed aloud and ended with letting God know she was ready to go home with Him. 

I reminded her that she was a beautiful child of God and that someday soon she would get a new body with new eyes and a new heart and she would be in no pain. I told her about God's banqueting table and that I looked forward to being there with her and her brothers and her dad who I never got to meet. I thanked her for being such a great granny who always played with me and was always so graceful, poised, smart, classy, and fun. I loved going to stay with her and I wish I could remember more than I do. She dosed on and off and one time looked at me and said there was a cute doggy and giggled again. It made me laugh and cry all over again. I just kissed her forehead and hugged her and told her I loved her and would see her soon. I glanced at all the pictures in her room, got her laundry for my aunt, and walked out to meet Mark and the kiddos.

I've been struggling a little with why she is even still alive like this. It helped talking with my sister in law the other day about it. Deep down I know that this world is broken and God didn't intend for our lives to end like this and for us to be in pain. In fact, He didn't intend for them to end at all, but we messed it up. The best we can do is be changed for the better because of her and there is something humbling about taking care of her like this.

I'll always remember this time Lord and I thank you for letting my Granny Marie be a part of our quiet time today.  To You be the glory.